Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Words of Wisdom

First of all, if you haven't seen this, check it out.

Now onto my post for today.

I have been talking to a buddy of mine for a few months now on a somewhat daily basis about his issues.

A little background for you:

My friend (lets call him M) met a girl while he was studying abroad in Spain and began dating this girl (lets call her E) when he was there.

They proceeded to carry on this long distance relationship for 5.5 years. She was going to school for the last couple of years in NC so it wasn't always different countries.

M would drive down from Maryland to see her every other weekend when she was on this continent.

M is not what one would call over-confident in himself (I may be to blame for some of that as me and other friend Patty would regularly pick on him cause he was shorter than us and for other reasons), so he probably hung on longer than most would have. E was a good looking girl who liked attention.

E apparently got too much attention from another guy at some point recently and decided to not worry about M and proceeded to cheat on him. No telling how long this went on for, but M found out about 3 months ago.

So now M is hurt, angry, and confused. Even though he will openly admit that he wanted to end things with E before this, he is still very hurt by what she did.

So last night we were talking and he was talking about what he wants to do at that he isn't interested in getting involved with anyone else right now. And while I agree that he isn't ready yet I suggested something else to him.

And this is advice that many of you should consider.

I have heard over the years from people that they plan on focusing on their careers before they start a family or get married. And I believe there are probably parents out there telling there kids to worry about themselves and their career first because you can always have a family later.

To me that sounds backwards. (to understand picture at right click here.)

Now I am not saying just stop working and look for love but don't be afraid of it because you have goals to meet in your professional life.

Love is much rarer than a good career and it is much harder to find.

If you are truly good at and passionate about what you do than you will always be able to find work that will make you happy.

But how many people find someone else that they want to spend the rest of their life with?

I have a few friends that have either not found this yet because they say they need to worry about finding themselves first. Or they don't want to get involved with someone until they are at a certain place in their life.


Now I must clarify that I don't think you can go looking for love. It either happens or it doesn't. It is either there or it isn't. It isn't something that can be faked (for very long anyway) or manufactured.

So like I said before I do not mean just focus on your love life and not your professional life because then you will be miserable in both.

But do not avoid getting involved with someone because of your career or anything else.

Basically what I am saying is your career can wait, love can't and shouldn't. You can put your career on hold for a couple years and have no problem picking it back up. But you can't put love on the back burner (more than likely anyway) because either the other person will be gone or you won't feel the same.

Just a thought I had. Do you agree? If not, how come?


Scotty said...

I disagreed, until this line:
But do not avoid getting involved with someone because of your career or anything else. I think that summed up what you were saying?

I think its hard to find someone, overall, whether actively looking or passively looking.

To put someone off because of past experiences, job situation, etc... not really rational. Sure, you may want to take it a little slower, but to completely dismiss them not because of their traits or how you feel about them... not a good idea.

To have feelings for someone (that also has feelings for you) doesn't usually come easy. Maybe its more of a balance between love and career? A career is your future. Love can be your future.

Although one definitely has more weight (love to me), I don't think you should completely dismiss the other.

Narm said...

I don't know that actively searching for love ever really works - I feel like it is something that has to just happen - very unlike a career.

A career can always be picked up later - but it is much easier to pay your dues early and work your way up. And lets face it - most of your interaction and new acquaintances will be met through your work - so the love part may happen in the process - while your career will not advance because of your love life.

GMan said...

scotty - I agree that you need balance and I also agree that love should have (and does in my opinion) more weight when making a decision.

narm - it is something that just has to happen. but if a decision comes down to love vs. career than I think you should always go love

TOPolk said...

I agree wholeheartedly.

There's a young lady right now that I am absolutely head over heels for. I keep trying to rationalize not pursuing her with things like, "I need to finish my MBA first" or "I can't just up and move to Connecticut."

But everyday a little part of me worries that once I'm finally ready to dedicate my all to her, she won't be around.

GMan said...

topolk - you can't let her go. if you feel that strongly about her than you need to go for it!