Tuesday, January 6, 2009

To Survive....Find a Vampire


I don't know if any of you watch the History channel or not but this week is Armageddon week. All they are showing at night are shows about the end of the world and how it is going to happen.

So I happen to enjoy this kind of thing cause it is interesting. I am not looking forward to the end of the world and very much doubt I would be around for it. But it isn't something I am scared of cause there isn't anything I can do about it.

I was flipping between one show on History channel (I can't remember the name) and the Fiesta Bowl. But I managed to learn a couple things from watching the show which was basically looking at the Book of Revelations in the Bible and using that to explain how the world is going to end.

Here is what I learned:

1. Religious (in this case mostly Christian) people are delusional and crazy
2. Vampires are going to rule the world!

Seriously.

Let's look at the first one.

These people honest to god believe that their "God" is going to end life on this planet as we know it cause a few bad people don't stop doing stupid things. Really? This is your idea of "God"?

So what you are saying is that instead of lets say Osama Bin Laden dropping dead from a heart attack or I don't know leading us to his hideout "God" is going to kill everyone on the planet. Wow. That's a pretty bleak outlook and a pretty intense idea of vengeance you people have.

And that's what they were saying (minus the Bin Laden reference). They were saying that because the "anti-christ" is here and not behaving that "God" was going to take matters into his own hands and punish ALL OF US!

And you wonder why I don't believe in Christianity anymore.....


Now let's look at the 2nd thing I learned....Vampires will rule the world.

Many of the theories put forth by these religious idiots have the sun either being destroyed or being blocked out from the earth. Which would lead to total darkness. Hmmm....Vampires can't be in sunlight.

And then they threw out this clincher in my eyes....all of the water on earth is going to turn to blood. Yes that is right....all the oceans, rivers, lakes, streams, creeks, ponds, and puddles are all going to magically turn from water to blood. Hmmm....Vampires live on blood.


You see! If you want to survive the Apocalypse it is simple....go find this guy and convince him to bite you and turn you into a vampire. That way when the Earth is sun-less and all the water is blood you too can live on.

1 comment:

The Wicked Truth said...

thats a pretty sad looking fang-face