A Good Weekend

I haven't done a weekend update post in a while and I don't intend to start doing them again. But for today I will do one.

I was out of town Thursday into Friday and didn't get home until middle of the afternoon on Friday.

I did some minor yard work Friday afternoon before heading to the soccer field for kiddo's makeup game from earlier in the season.


Saturday was supposed to be the last game of the season but the soaking rain that went through PA meant NO soccer.

But it did mean WET PUPPIES! And unfortunately......MUDDY PUPPIES!

They realized that it is easier to dig in mud than it is dry dirt. GREAT!


But then the real meaning to this past Saturday started......


Penn State @ Ohio State!!

If the Lions could win this game than they are on track for their first undefeated season since 1994 and possibly their first National Championship since 1986.

I was PUMPED!

Some friends came by to keep me calm and whatnot which actually did work. I wasn't too hyper and managed to not get too tense during the game.

But it didn't matter at the end!

PSU 13 OSU 6

AWESOME!!


And after that the weekend got busy again.

I woke up Sunday morning to......a mess in the dog crate.....and a mess on the dogs.

One of them had gotten ill in the crate overnight and there was stuff all over the crate and all
over the dogs.


So after all that cleaning and whatnot we went to a hockey game last night in Hershey, PA.

That was a good game to be at (we won 8-3) but the more interesting thing happened around the 2nd intermission.

Wifey and Kiddo went to the bathroom and when they got back there was a story to be told.

A little pre story.....kiddo wanted to bring her Nintendo DS to the game in case she got bored....I said no.

Apparently she didn't like that answer. She had stuffed her DS into her pants before we left the house and managed to sit in the car, walk to the arena, eat her dinner, sit for 2 periods (almost 2 hours), and get to the bathroom without having problems.

And she still didn't have any problems. Apparently the bathroom was so crowded that Wifey went into the stall with her just to get out of everyone's way. And then it was discovered.

I was so impressed that I allowed her to have the DS after the came back.

I would like to think that I would have been smart enough to do the same thing when I was 7!


And now I am here at work to begin yet another week....Yippee!!! (sarcasm intended)

What are the Odds?

What Are the Odds?
By: Natalie Josef (View Profile)

About one out of every three people in the United States thinks that winning the lottery is the only way to become financially secure. But the odds of winning a single state lottery are about 18 million to 1.

That’s why I laugh at my friends who buy lottery tickets—to me, it’s just throwing money away. The likelihood you’ll be killed by lightning is roughly 2,650,000 to 1—a lot more likely than winning the lottery.

Have you ever wondered how the odds stack up against each other? For instance, did you know that your odds of winning an Olympic medal are roughly the same as drowning in the bathtub? Check out these odds:

Odds of dying from a dog bite: 1 in 20 million

Odds of becoming a saint: 1 in 20 million

Odds of becoming president: 1 in 10,000,000

Odds of dying from parts falling off an airplane: 1 in 10,000,000

Odds you will be injured by a toilet this year: 1 in 10,000

Odds of finding a four-leaf clover on the first try: 1 in 10,000

Odds of spotting a UFO today: 1 in 3,000,000

Odds of dying from food poisoning: 1 in 3,000,000

Odds of dying from a shark attack: 1 in 300,000,000

Odds of dying from Measles: 1 in 300,000,000

Odds of a child being in a fatal automobile accident: 1 in 23,000

Odds of being wrongly declared dead by a Social Security data entry mistake: 1 in 23,483

Odds of writing a New York Times best seller: 1 in 220

Odds of dating a millionaire: 1 in 215

Odds of getting AIDS from heterosexual sex without using a condom: 1 in 5,000,000

Odds of dying from contact with hot tap water: 1 in 5,005,564

Odds of winning an Academy Award: 1 in 11,500

Odds of bowling a 300 game: 1 in 11,500

Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 1 in 4464

Odds of dying on a bicycle: 1 in 4472

Odds of being murdered: 1 in 18,000

Odds of dying in a car accident: 1 in 18,585

Odds of getting arthritis: 1 in 7

Odds you don’t have health insurance: 1 in 7

Odds of dying from heart disease: 1 in 3

Odds of an American woman developing cancer in her lifetime: 1 in 3

Odds that you will die from the collision of an asteroid hitting the earth in the next one hundred
years: 1 in 500,000

Odds of a non-felon being murdered with a gun: 1 in 500,000

Odds of being in a plane crash: 1 in 500,000

I think we need to keep things in perspective and ignore the commercials that tell you to start dreaming about the millions you’re going to win in the lottery. Actually, just ignore TV altogether. While they’re busy recalling every vegetable for fear of salmonella, no one is mentioning the fact that you’re more likely to die of appendicitis than salmonella. How many people do you know who’ve died from appendicitis? The moral here? Eat your vegetables and don’t play the lottery.

You HAVE To Read This

Have you ever watched someone actually eat until they puked??

And I don't mean an eating contest or anything. Just a normal meal??

I have. Check this out for the story.

Seriously, check this out.

If you read nothing else today, it should be this.

Did you read this yet?

If not, go here now!!

Faith No More

Lately I have seen many different articles and posts that have to do with religion.

I saw a post from Devils Heaven about this article.

Then I saw this article on msn.

And then Lynne wrote this.

So I thought, "I have some opinions on this stuff, let me share with everyone."

But first some background:

I grew up in a Catholic household. I went to Catholic school from kindergarten to 8th grade. And then I had the choice of high schools and chose a Catholic high school because my friends were going there.

So I went to a Catholic school for 13 years. My parents are (were) Catholic, my grandparents are very Catholic, and most of my relatives are Catholic to some extent.

My wife......is a pagan.

I was baptized, had first holy communion, and was confirmed into the church. But...

I no longer consider myself a Catholic. Most people describe me (and others like me) as a non-practicing Catholic.

I say BULLSHIT!

I do not consider myself an atheist (yet) but rather an agnostic. If someone could prove to me that there is a God than I would believe, but until then I believe that gods don't exist.

So lets examine a couple of those articles I mentioned previously.

First up is the excommunication of anyone that ordains a female priest.

Why? Because women aren't equals?

No its because Jesus didn't have any female apostles so there can be no female priests!

Oh, well that makes perfect sense! How ridiculous is the Catholic church!

I spent 13 years learning about the history of the Catholic faith and why it is what it is and I am pretty sure it was all a LIE!!

And that's why I think the other article about a religious theme park is perfect.

I mean really, what is the difference between Disney characters and Jesus?

One thing, the characters from Disney are typically animated where as Jesus is usually thought of as a human.

But really they are similar.

They are both works of fiction. They have each contributed to a ridiculous amount of money for their creators. And people love them or hate them.

Kids believe in the Disney characters just like some (brain-dead) adults believe in Jesus and everything he said.

Do you really believe that someone can take water and turn it into wine right in front of everyone? Or take bread and fish and make it multiply for everyone??

Seriously?

They are no different than Alice in Wonderland or Fantasia.

Wonderful stories that are part of the greatest works of fiction that the world has ever seen.


Now don't get me wrong. If you believe in this stuff that's fine, just leave me alone.

My sister is quite religious. She is a christian and truly believes that I am going to hell. But I don't want to hear about it.

I am a good person. I am nice to everyone and I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. And many times that gets me into trouble but its who I am.

But I don't believe in a god (or the God).

So does that mean that I am going to hell? I guess that depends....


do I believe in heaven and hell??

I Couldn't Make This Up!!

Jari (pronounced Yar-ee) sent this email out to a few of us a couple weeks ago:

alright kids

we all know my love affair with my 86 camry

we also know all the fun problems that come with a 22 year old car

my registration is up at the end of july, i would bet she isnt going to pass without quite a bit of money dropped on my part

i dont know what im going to do about a replacement yet

but

i am asking you if you know of any place i might store her

ive looked into storage places but that shit can get expensive

im not looking to drop $50 a month to store her, bc then its just cheaper for me to keep her on the streets and insured

i can just get some guido south philly fuck to have her "pass" inspection

so, any ideas? maybe someone that has a bunch of industrial storage space, etc...

any suggestions are welcomed

bc one day im gonna restore her and be the only kid on the block with a classic 1986 camry

I responded with this:

i personally think you should do right by her and drive into the FUCKING RIVER!!

but no, I don't know of anyplace to store it.

Jari:

fuck off

ive had 400 different ppl telling me many different ways to kill her

the most entertaining idea was to take her out in a field shoot her and blow her up

NEVER!!

Monkey's response to the first email:

I have a great place where you can keep it... Newberrytown Auto Salvage. It's kinda like being an organ donor... "Parts" of her will live-on in many other cars for years to come.

Everytime you see an '86 Camry on the roads, you can think to yourself... "I wonder if any of 'my old girls' parts are in that one".

The best part is... the Salvage yard will pay you to let them harvest the remaining 'good' parts from the old girl. :)

What do ya think?

Good Idea?

I personally like Monkey's idea. unique and resourceful.

something tells me Jari didn't enjoy it.

And yes he is serious, he intends to put classic tags on his 1986 CAMRY!!!

Then Don't Come Next Time

It was a very good weekend. Had a cookout, played wiffle ball, threw the football around, and played some serious Mario Kart Wii. (more to come on all of that in the following days)

But let’s start this story on Friday afternoon.

I called my buddy, Oompa Loompa (and yes he is built like one, but no he isn't orange), to see if he and his family were coming to the party on Sunday afternoon.

We were having burgers, hot dogs, salad, and other things that you have at a cookout.

Plus we were playing wiffle ball and whatever else we wanted to play and do.

Oompa has a daughter that is 3 days younger than my daughter so they play together and have fun off on their own.

So I call him cause he had said through an email that they weren’t sure yet, but we needed to know so that we could get the food.

And this is what he said (honest to god he said it)

“we want to come, but we might not because we are having burgers and hot dogs on Monday and we don’t want to eat that two days in a row.”

HUH?!?!?!?!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!

And they didn’t come!!!

They decided that instead of coming and having fun hanging out with friends and having some decent (if not good) food, they opted to stay home and not join us.

What makes the story even more ridiculous is that they keep telling us that they want to spend more time with us so that the girls can play together and because they enjoy hanging out.

SO WHY NOT COME??

I don’t even want to invite them in the future when we are having chicken (with the world’s GREATEST barbecue sauce, made by wifey) or marinated flank steak (from Glenn Miller’s deli in Lemoyne, the absolute best steak anyone, and I mean ANYONE, in the world has EVER EVER had).

Because if you are only coming for the food than you shouldn’t be coming AT ALL!

I Have Heard Better

I need some opinions on this.

I was changing to go out and cut the grass when the wife said THIS to me:

"I think your stomach has definitely gotten bigger."

And then she added this a little later:

"I didn't say you were getting FATTER, I said bigger. You can take that any way you want to."

Okay, fair enough. I take it as a fat joke/comment, which I am getting used to (mainly cause I make them about myself).

But that's different than your significant other telling you that you are getting bigger!

Now don't get me wrong, I am not a little guy like my good friend verb or James Van Der Beek, but I am not John Goodman either.

How would you take it? I take it as meaning, honey you are beginning to look like a pig. Do something about it.

But that's me, anyone else have an opinion?

You Wish

I will take a break from bitching here today to celebrate.

Celebrate what you ask.

That I paid 3.29 a gallon for gas yesterday!

HAHA - this is me laughing at all of you who are paying 3.79 for gas.

How did I get gas 50 cents cheaper than you?

We go to an awesome grocery store that gives you 10 cents off of gas for every $100 you spend in the store. You accumulate points over a couple months and then redeem them.

And like I said before I drive a 92 Chevy full size pickup truck. IT EATS GAS! and it leaks oil, but that's a different story for another day.

But I also only drive my truck about 10-15 miles a day. Just so that I can catch a bus and get back home from work. So I only fill up about once a month or so.

Oh and I forgot to mention just so you don't think I am really that lucky or anything, the gas still cost me $98 due to the 30(or so) gallon tank my truck has.

So really I saved 15 bucks but it still cost me almost a hundred.

RIDICULOUS!

The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread

Have you ever felt that you were just the best thing in the world?

Have you ever felt that people should feel privileged to even know you?

Have you ever felt that you just can't be wrong? ever?

Have you ever felt that people just move for you when you are walking or driving?

Have you ever felt that the sun rises and sets on you?

Have you ever felt that the world revolves around you?

Well you shouldn't because the world revolves around me!!

I feel this way everyday because I am the greatest thing since sliced bread!!

And don't any of you forget it!!!

And to all of you playing poker against me tonight (monkey, verb, young buck, sparky, lazy white guy, wifey, or even marky), why don't you all just save yourselves some time and energy and just give my your money.

It will be much easier and less trouble than if you actually sit at the same table as me!!

Oh yeah!! Absolutely the greatest thing since sliced bread!!

Did that really happen?

My day on Wednesday started good enough with a decent day of surfing the web and doing pretty much nothing at work (a typical day). I work in Harrisburg and in the mornings I take the bus to work. But in the afternoons I don't usually take the bus home. Why you ask. Okay, I will tell you.

I work from 7:45 to 4:15. Not to bad at all. But the bus that takes me back to where I park my truck comes by at what time? That's right, 4:10. And the managers in my office are sticklers for time and there is pretty much NO wiggle room. So I am stuck because the next bus does not come by until 4:45, if it is on time (which it rarely is).

So what do I do? I walk. About 2.5 miles across the river and what not. I don't have a problem with it. I actually get back to my truck earlier than if I wait for the bus. Plus I get exercise that I wouldn't otherwise get.

But if you remember I said the day STARTED good enough. That must mean that it gets worse somewhere along the way. Well it does.

When I got to my 92 Chevy pickup, I unlocked the door and got in. I put the key in the ignition and turned it, but wait....did it start? No of course not! I have had many problems with this truck in the past few months. This was the second time it was towed and the third time it was in the shop in 2008!!

The previous times were for not starting and not stopping! Yeah, like in a movie, the gas peddle stuck to the floor. It was fun!!

But anyways, back to the story. I call for someone to give me a jump, but that doesn't work. So I borrowed a car from my dad and got home.

Now, where I park there are other people that come to park and take the bus. It is a little street right beside a main road. And unfortunately for me there was plenty of room for someone to park their car in front of my truck the next morning. So if I wanted to get it towed I would have to move it. No big deal.

I call a couple buddies because I thought it would take at least 2 of us to push it forward. It didn't. I got there before either of them and I moved it myself. So I waited for them to get there and we chatted for a little while in dark (at this point it was about 9pm).

And then it happened......

We are just standing and sitting next to or on our vehicles when this old guy who was out for a walk just stopped and started talking. He started with stuff about how Harrisburg's minor league baseball team sucks. They had just lost the previous day 12-2 and he was not pleased. Then he started complaining about how the Capitals got hosed in their playoff game the night before. Next it was about the Flyers and their past players. He was talking about guys I have never ever heard of. And he was just going on and on about it all. Then it went back to baseball for something about Barry Bonds going to the Yankees!! HUH????

I couldn't stop laughing at this guy. He just comes out of nowhere and starts bitching and complaining about different sports themes. Unreal!!

Now don't get me wrong, he was a nice friendly guy out for a walk and looking for a chat. But it was just so surreal. I would have to say that we were pretty lucky that this guy wasn't some serial killer or something. Because lets be honest, who does that kind of stuff anymore.